every day i learn a little something. and today i learned that a little girl in a cute dress will put me in a great mood no matter what.

???

???

someone tell me what my next step in life oughta be.

this really put me in a good mood

i live my life in a minor key. on the down beat. somewhere in the notes that are too high or too low for me to sing. i’m not always happy or in a good mood. i like slow songs better than upbeat ones. i prefer movies that make me sad over movies that will make me laugh. why? i dont know. there is a great darkness in the world. maybe i just like looking at it. maybe, to me, averting my eyes is the same as giving up. there are greater achievements than being satisfied and happy all the time. i want those. the world is more colorful than being only happy and sad anyway. “i dont want medication. give me liberation. even if it cuts my legs right out from underneath.” give me the dirt-in-my-eyes religion. give me faith that leaves me in a hole. make me climb out again and again. i want to get it more and more every day. to learn the depths of what i think i know. and to wander into the places i dont know at all. i want to feel it, whatever “it” is, travel further and further into it, get lost in it, become alive in it. may i never be afraid of suffering.

don’t look down

just for those who might be there, i’d really appreciate the trapeze swinger by iron and wine to be played at my funeral. and i want the eulogy delivered by someone who can play guitar. and i dont want any words spoken. just music. thank you.
there are things in life so beautiful that sometimes i cant stand it. big things like children and old couples and forgiveness. but also small things like a warm bath. or cold milk. or a windy day. i think every part of life is encompassed by beauty. i think those things are like God’s fingerprints.

“being heard without judgment is healing.” one of the best things anyone has ever said to me. ill probably quote her until the day i die.
they hear you, my friend. and i hear you.

such as.

matt and i have been discussing the issues that south africa and “the iraq” are facing due to this profoundly influential south carolina representative in the miss america contest. matt has a very broad perspective when it comes to global issues, which made me realize i dont know much at all, so, in my need of enlightenment, i asked him what he would say in response to the [semi] same question. his answer was frighteningly similar and almost as intellectually hard to follow as miss south carolina’s: